I’ll never forget the day I went for the job. I was young, green and bloody petrified. I’d had an interview with some gorilla called Bruce who tried to pass himself off as “the Foreman” of this graphic arts company in Hardware Lane.
He advised me to ring back on Friday after lunch to find out if my job application had been successful. I said I would and on the afternoon in question, after a lot of hesitation, I decided it was now or never. The grip I had on the receiver tightened a little as I dialled the numbers. “Apex Combining Company”, it said in my little notebook . “Combining what?” I wasn’t quite sure but didn’t dwell on it for too long because I probably wouldn’t get the job anyway.
“Apex Combining Company, good morning, can I help you?” the sweet telephone voice of the receptionist sounded miles away.
“My name is Tony, coud I please speak to Bruce?”
“Hold the line please.”
“Hello, this is Bruce!” barked the voice at the other end. I automatically snapped to attention even though I was in a phone booth at Flinders Street Station. I repeated my name meekly and reminded him of our interview during the week and of my deep desire to work for his “Combining Company”.
“Can you start on Monday?” I was so startled by his unexpected reply, I couldn’t say anything for a moment.
“Are you there?” demanded the impatient voice at the other end of the line.
“Yes I am”, I said.
“Alright, 8 o’clock sharp on Monday then. Don’t be bloody late!!”
I was absolutely elated. I finally had a job.
The first guy I met, bright and early Monday morning, was Norm, the department manager. He showed me to my light table, a table with a smokeglass top with fluroescent lights beneath it, which he called my “work bench”.
“This is where you’ll opaque your films, make up your copies and lay your colour sets.”
“Jesus.”
“Don’t worry,” he said. “When you see come of the dickheads doing this work you’ll soon realise that if they can do it, anybody can. Fair dinkum, mate, I reckon sometimes it would be quicker to train monkies. Anyhow, I’ll introduce you to the rest of the guys.”
So then I got introduced to the Ferret, Emptyhead, the Prommie, Squarehead, Dick, Hotlips, the Clown, Shortarse, Ginger Megs, Bronco and Nick “The Grik”.
My first job was to run an errand.
“Run downstairs,” said Norm, “and ask a bloke called Colin for the “long weight”.
Downstairs I went, found Colin and asked him to give me the long weight.
“Just hang on” said the afore mentioned, “I’ll go and fetch it for you in a minute.”
An hour and a half later I was still standing there, while Colin and his “cronies” were quietly sniggering and obviously having the time of their lives.
At last he walked over to me and said with a big grin on his face: “You’ve been waiting here a long time, mate, go back up-stairs and tell Norm that you’ve just had a long wait.”
Laugh?…….. I thought I’d never start.